I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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