For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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