forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
