so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
