East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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