i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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