Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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