You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
