well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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