Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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