did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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