So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
