K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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