so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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