why didn't you poke me back
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
