now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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