These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
