god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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