I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
