True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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