your room smells of hookers.
And success
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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