I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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