You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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