there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
