I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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