Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
