hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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