she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
