My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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