My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
