cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
