Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
More tranny stories later!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
