Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
