Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
