omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
