I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
