My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my shit smells like andre
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
