True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
