just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
