Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
