Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
