Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
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on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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