Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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