Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize