His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
