I wish I could teleport
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
