No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
