their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize