I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize