i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I will be naked everywhere
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize