I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
