It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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