I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think people are normalizing furries
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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