could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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