My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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