I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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