Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
