My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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