On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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