I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
